10 Tips for Choosing The Perfect Baby Name
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Baby naming is hard. Sure, there are thousands of names to choose from and you’ve got about nine months to get it down. Should be easy, right? Unfortunately, it often is not easy. Not only do you have to find something that you love and doesn’t have any negative associations with, often times you have to agree with another human as well. On top of that, you may have pronunciation concerns, spelling concerns, or popularity concerns. It can be feel impossible.
It can also be really fun! Maybe you and your partner agree on a lot! Or maybe you don’t care about popularity at all.
Whatever your situation is, I hope the tips that I have put together for you are helpful. I won’t hit the obvious stuff like “you and your partner have to agree,” and “you should probably like the name.” My hope is that my tips are more insightful than that. I want to help parents by thinking through things that are easy to overlook when you’re trying to name another human being. Enjoy!
1. Do the homework
“The name wasn’t popular when I used it! But right after he was born I started hearing it everywhere!” I hear these types of comments all the time. And granted, sometimes it’s true! It can be difficult to predict where pop-culture is going to take baby naming trends. A celebrity can come into massive fame from seemingly nowhere and that alone can take their name from relatively uncommon to the trendiest name on the block in a matter of years.
However, I do think that there are other reasons I hear this complaint. It could be because 1. parents didn’t know the stats of the name before they chose it. Or they may not have been around many other kids so they don’t know the current trends (often a first time parent). They base their expectation of “what’s popular” off of what they grew up with being popular. Or, 2. they’re following the exact same trend that many other parents are following and they’re hitting the upswing of the name perfectly.
This is not me knocking popular names at all. Popular names are popular for a reason! So many of them are beautiful and classy choices for a little one. If you love a popular name, don’t be mad about it! Embrace it. The reason I talk so much about name popularity is because I have heard time and time again the frustration that parents feel when they thought that they were picking a rare name and it turned out to be relatively (or very) popular.
You cannot predict trends perfectly, but if you would like to choose a more rare name, definitely check the Social Security Name Registry website for objective stats and trends. It is probably one of my most visited websites, haha!
2. Use the coffee shop trick
I’ve done this even when I’m not expecting a baby, just because it’s fun! To “test out” a name that you’re considering, order a beverage at a coffee shop and give them the name that you are considering for your little one. See how they react, what part of the name they get tripped up on, if they need extensive spelling help, etc. This isn’t specifically to convince you one way or the other about the name. It’s really just to make it a bit more “real” for you. You get some feedback without having to tell anyone what you’re considering and possibly have some awkward conversations. You can also have your partner join in the fun!
3. Ask yourself "would I want to be named this?"
I think most people at some point in life have considered what it would be like to be named something else. I know I did this all the time as a child.
Try to picture yourself having the name you’re considering for your child. At your workplace, with your friends and family, in your church, etc. Sure maybe it doesn’t fit you exactly (it can be difficult to imagine anything other than what you’ve been called your whole life) , but does it seem like it would serve you well? Would you feel comfortable with someone calling this name across a store to get your attention?
4. Check out your family tree
This one can be so fun, especially if you would like to use a family name for your child anyway! If you’re having trouble finding inspiration within close family, maybe try a trial of ancestry to go even further back! It has provided quite a lot of inspiration for us from both mine and Joel’s sides of the family. We didn’t even have to go back that far! It is crazy how many names go forgotten in just a few generations. Not only that, but vintage names are really on trend right now! You could be ahead of the curve by using you great great uncle’s interesting and rare name!
5. Listen to trusted advice
I know I know, this is not what you want to hear. As a culture, we tend to be very individualistic. We don’t want other people telling us what to do with our kid. I get it.
Everybody has an opinion about names. Not just regular feelings, but strong feelings. It is actually kind of bizarre when you think about it. Young and old alike like to give opinions on baby names.
If you don’t feel completely comfortable announcing your baby’s name before birth, I highly recommend you wait. Some people will wait and some people will not. That’s your prerogative! But never feel like you have to share with your family and friends before you are ready.
I do, however, think it is probably wise to find one or two completely trusted people to share your name with. It can be whoever you want, as long as you think they will give you an honest, balanced, and loving opinion.
It can be really easy to get wrapped up in the “it’s my child and I will name him/her whatever I want,” or “all that matters is that I love it” attitude while naming. While I think it is so important for you to love the name and for it to have special meaning to you, don’t forget that it is ultimately not about you. Your child is a different person and will have to live with their name for the rest of their life. I think it is wise to get the opinion of a trusted outsider, just to make sure you aren’t missing any obvious potential backlash.
6. Check with family for repeats
This might not be an issue at all for some people, but I mention it because it was a potential one for us! Already having 19 nieces and nephews when we were pregnant with our first (with quite a few more potential to come) it was fairly important for us to check with our siblings who were also close to having kids to make sure we weren’t stepping on any toes when naming our firstborn. Now, I’m a pretty big believer in the idea that you can’t really claim a name, especially if you’re nowhere close to having a kid. At the same time, we wanted to be respectful and loving toward our family! Thankfully, we didn’t run into any issues.
Every family is different, so give a lot of grace. Some people might feel that cousin names can’t even come close to each other, and some don’t even care if cousins share names! Navigate the best that you are able to. I personally feel that you can’t truly “claim a name” until your kid is born, but I still think being sensitive and understanding is the best practice.
7. Consider the associations
I think people make a bigger deal about name associations than they should. Sure, there are some massive associations that you should avoid. Should Adolf ever make a comeback? Absolutely not. You would come across as completely ignorant and insensitive if you used that for a child. I don’t care if it was your great grandfathers name and you are trying to honor family, that is just being cruel to your child.
However, should the girl that was in your class in 1st grade named Anna stop you from naming a daughter Anna? Probably not. So many names get crossed off of lists because of random and irrelevant associations that parents have with them. As long as it’s a good name that will serve your child well, I would try to let those random and irrelevant associations go.
8. Be wary what you find on the internet
Of course no source is perfect (including me!), but there is a lot of misinformation that swirls around the internet regarding names (especially Pinterest). One of the reasons I started blogging about names is because of how difficult it is to find quality information about baby names on the internet. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but if you care about the meaning and history of a name, I recommend finding crosschecking info from multiple sources.
Hint: If someone is saying a name is Celtic, that doesn’t mean that it’s Irish. Double check before attempting to honor your Irish heritage.
9. Don't take it too seriously if people don't get it
Not everyone is going to pronounce your child’s name correctly. That is ok. Don’t take it too seriously. I’ve met people who mispronounce Emily. It isn’t a big deal. Shake it off.
Some people will never understand why you named your child what you did. Some people will think that you’re weird. That is ok. Others will think the name you chose is boring. Oh well. The amount of mixed reactions we had when we first told people Boaz’ name was hilarious. Some people get it immediately and gush and some people quite literally just stare. As long as you’re confident in your choice and you did the best you could, shake it off! Ultimately, a persons name does not define them.
10. Remember that you're naming an adult, not just a baby.
I saved my favorite tip for last! This is so important. Children do not stay children forever. The cutesy tootsy name parents love when they have a baby, may not age very well into a 12, then 30, then 50 year old! I recommend attempting to call you partner, friend, parent, or grandparent by the name you’re considering (even if it’s just in your imagination!). This isn’t a one for one comparison, obviously, as it can be difficult to imagine these people by other names, but it will help you make sure you aren’t choosing something that won’t age well.
I hope these baby naming tips were helpful to you! Be sure to pass this post along to your friends who are expecting or just love baby names! Drop your favorite baby naming tips in the comments below!